How to Make the Sexy Cake
by Cat-and-Kit
Summary: How to make the Sexy Cake: Add three cups of Edo, a few table spoons of sugar, a lemon, beat well, or alternately, get Envy to beat well, and let it heat up for about an hour. Let it cool slightly, douse in chocolate and whipped cream, then enjoy.


What happens when Ed is caught baking a cake for someone, and all a certain (jealous) green-haired homunculus wants to do is mess it up for him?

* * *

Technically, this is my first descriptive lemon. Ever. Wh00t for first-timers!

... heh.

(As for the oven, let's just pretend Winry mass-produced and got filthy rich or something, okay?)

* * *

Sugar.. Check.

Flower.. Check.

Lemons.. Check.

Milk.. (shudder) Check.

Other such items.. Checkcheckcheckcheckcheckcheckcheckcheckcheck.

Ed eyed over the various ingredients and instruments spread over the table and counter. He was a Chibi on a Mission, and he meant to fulfill it.

Fifteen minutes later, and he was much further than where he had been before, but any progress stopped when the front door opened. He looked over in the direction of the sound, not able to see who it was due to the house's build. He was slightly worried, but maybe it wasn't who he thought it was..

"A-Alu?" He tried nervously. 'Oh.. don't let it be him..'

No response was issued, and Ed walked over to the edge of the kitchen. Peering around the wall, he didn't see anyone. Maybe he imagined it?

Passing it off, he turned around, only to bump right into the chest of an all-to-familiar green-haired homunculus.

"E-Envy!" Ed stuttered, "What are you doing here!"

"I came to see you, Chibi. Something wrong with that?" He rose his arms and trailed his fingers down Ed's bare arms, a note of possessiveness in his voice. Ed sweatdropped and grinned widely, but nervously.

"No no! Nothing wrong! Just.. Baking!"

Envy's eyebrow rose and he took in the messy kitchen. "I see.."

Ed grinned again and made his way past the other male. If he could just keep this a secret...

"What's all this for anyways? What are you making?" Envy asked. He then shot a leer at the short alchemist. "Edo-chibi turning into a housewife for me?"

Wheeling around, he ranted and yelled about both insults. Getting tired quickly of it though, Envy stalked forward and pinned his blonde to the counter.

"You didn't answer my question..."

"It's a cake.. It's for someone..." Ed murmured, not looking the slightly taller one in the eye. Envy immediately became defensive.

"Who? Who's it for?"

"I'm not telling you."

"Tell me! I'll make you tell me!"

"Then I'll spread it around Headquarters what your little HABIT is... You know.. with the cherries?"

Envy glared at his pinned, albeit smirking little blonde. He pointed a finger accusingly and growled, "You can't hold that against me."

"In exchange for not forcing me to tell you, I'll never bring it up again."

"... Deal."

Ed put a hand on Envy's chest and pushed, grumbling. "Good. Now get off me, or my ingredients will spoil."

Envy watched as Ed got up and walked over to the kitchen table, continuing his current project of beating eggs, vanilla, and (shudder) milk together in a bowl. His eyes narrowed. He was acutely ('scuse the pun) envious of whoever Ed was making the cake for. He may not be allowed to ask, but he wasn't about to drop the subject completely.. Maybe...

Yes.. He'd make the experience much more difficult. Just to spite. He could spite well, well indeed.

Sauntering over, he wrapped his arms around Ed's bare shoulders, rather liking the feel of the leather vest against his skin, though knowing from experience that the chibi's bare skin was much more preferable.

"Envy, I'm trying to work here.."

"Ignore me..."

His tone was playful, but Ed knew better than to think he'd be able to shake the homunculus off. As long as he didn't ruin the cake, that's all that mattered, right?

Beating the mixture was harder than you think when one has someone else around their shoulders, licking their ear, nuzzling their neck, trailing their fingers down their arms...

"I have to move now, **oops** sorry!" Ed said, and shrugged enough to dislodge his 'attacker'. Envy pouted as the blonde set the bowl aside and gathered sugar and butter, walking over to the counter and putting the measured ingredients into another bowl. He started to beat this as well.

Arms slithered over his own like serpents, and Ed's hands were soon immobilized as deft, pale fingers lay over the hands clenching the bowl and spoon respectively.

"Envy, I can't beat like this. Can't this wait until later?" He asked, losing some of his patience. He'd developed a lot of patience since becoming closer to Envy.. He had to; one shouldn't be too short tempered when around the explosive non-human.

"I don't want to wait.." He sang, kissing along Ed's neck. He nibbled at the blonde's ear, and Ed sighed. He dropped the spoon and turned, twisting his arms around the taller male's neck, then pulling him down and kissing him.

Immediately, Envy's tongue invaded his mouth, exploring every inch that it knew so well. All too soon for his tastes though, Ed pushed him away.

"Now let me work. Give me at least five minutes before you bug me again.." He grumbled. Envy complied, much to Ed's surprise, though he didn't say anything about it. Don't want to jinx it..

After beating the two ingredients, he added the egg mixture from the table and after that, finely cut lemon rinds to make a thick, creamy mixture. Envy seemed to be at the end of his limit by then, and got up off one of the kitchen chairs to wrap his arms around the blonde's waist and buck into him suddenly.

Ed nearly screeched at the sudden actions, but thankfully didn't. He turned around and made as if to berate the taller male, but he was silenced as two lips forced against his in a crushing kiss. Envy grinded his hips into Ed's, making him moan into the kiss.

"E-Envy.. Let me finish this... first..." He tried, but he couldn't help but blush at his growing erection. Damn Envy and his persuasiveness...

"Since when do I take second place to food...?" He muttered against the chibi's neck, nipping at the area. Ed smirked at the thought and replied with, "Since the food can spoil and you can't..."

With yet another push, Ed managed to get the non-human off him. With a glare and a pout, Envy sat himself back down on the kitchen chair, eyeing some of the ingredients on the table.

Ed picked up the bag of flour and started to gradually mix that into the bowl he was working on. Envy specifically eyed a small cup of chocolate syrup on the table, and pondered over whether or not he should try some.

An obvious conclusion met, and a pale arm was raised, but just as he was about to sink his finger into the dark viscous liquid..

"Don't."

Envy glared at the back of the short alchemist's head. He hadn't even turned! How could he have known!

Envy looked at his hand, poised and hovering over the cup. He glanced back over to Ed and glared again, dipping his finger in anyways and retracting to suck on it.

Ed sighed and turned, walking over to the table to retrieve a pan and.. the cup of chocolate syrup. With both items in hand and an almost parental glance at Envy, he returned to the counter. Pout.

Ed ignored the cloud of pouting that was Envy in the corner, and poured the thick mixture into the pan. He walked over to the stove, already preheated and ready, and put the pan in. He clapped his hands together in joy of his success so far, and walked over to the table to put the bowl of egg/vanilla/(shudder)milk away, along with other ingredients.

"Well, that'll take about an hour to cook..." Whoops.

"Will it?" Envy said slyly, interest piqued and voice showing it. He got up slowly and walked towards his nervously grinning blonde.

"Uh.. Hehe.. Loud noises will make it drop?" He tried futilely.

"That's for bread, chibi-no-baka. Come 'ere.."

Grasping the shorter male and kissing him hotly, he led them out of the kitchen and into the living room, where they fell onto the couch. Envy immediately had Ed pinned, and was kissing him like no tomorrow.

"Ah.. E.. ah.." Ed stuttered, face growing hot. They'd only done THIS a couple times before, and he still wasn't used to it.

Tough, gloved hands slid up the front of his shirt and pulled it right off him, and before they could descend to his pants, Ed reached out and slipped his fingers under the older male's top, a difficult feat when considering how tight it was.

After a moment of struggling with it, and a few teasing chuckles from Envy, Ed finally managed to curl the fabric over itself and he peeled it away from it's wearer. Free of the clothing, the homunculus stripped the remaining clothes from his little human partner, and barely was able to stand the time it took Ed to finish stripping him. Though it had been amusing to watch Ed get frustrated with the gloves...

"You're adorable when you're upset.." Envy purred, looking down at Ed like a predator; a wide grin on his face. He descended again, leaving a trail of kisses and small bites along the blonde's neck, making his way over the broad chest.

Ed couldn't help but squirm at the barrage of sensations, touches, everything... With Envy's mouth going one way and his hand in another, it was all he could do not to moan. He reached down and tangled his hands into the long hair that was out of his sight.

"You know what I've said about that..." Envy growled playfully. Abandoning the abdomen he was so eagerly exploring, he got up again to peer into those deep gold eyes, and grasped both smaller wrists and pulled them not-so-gently from his hair. He pinned them both above his prey's head with one hand, leering down at the shivering little blonde he'd seen so many times before fight in deadly battles with no fear.

He raked the body under his with probing eyes, taking in the stressed muscle being forced into what couldn't have been the most comfortable position. Slightly tanned skin, such a contrast to his own.. Ed's body was built enough to make Envy's look almost feminine..

'Though', he thought with a grin, 'It's clear here who the dominant one is..'

Raising his right hand, he pressed three fingers to Ed's lower lip, the command silent.

"Can't we-"

"No." Envy cut him off, taking the opportunity to shove his fingers in while the blonde spoke. A dark glare was thrown his way for the rough intrusion, but a soft, warm tongue was soon sliding up the fingers anyways.

Pulling his hand away, fingers glistening and moist, Envy made up for the loss with his own tongue. Ed wasn't thrown off by it though, soon enough.. yes.. yes there they were...

He nearly bucked at the feeling of a cool, wet digit slowly entering him, forcing it's way past that tight ring of muscle. He moaned. Ed peered up at Envy with half-lidded eyes, though the older male could have sworn they were tinted darker than usual. He smirked. Darker with Lust.

Ed broke the kiss and shut his eyes tight, biting his lip as a second finger joined the first, stretching him. The action sent trills of pain and pleasure down his back, but he could feel excitement poke at him from his stomach as Envy abandoned his wrists and pushed his legs up, and apart.

Ed hissed as a third finger was inserted inside him, and the three moved like scissors, opening him further. Envy grinned down at the blonde; he loved that pained, but pleasured face. He didn't prepare Ed out of kindness, no, he wasn't **that** nice, he did it mainly to see him squirm. He _loved_ seeing Ed squirm, especially under him.. It was a turn on like you wouldn't believe...

He pulled his fingers free, and positioned his length near Ed's opening. "You ready for me, Alchemist?"

Without waiting for an answer, he forced in, wrenching a cry from the one under him. Oh that body felt so nice...

"E-Envy!" Ed gasped, gripping the homunculus's shoulders.

"That's right, say my name. Say it now, then **scream it!**" Envy yelled, pulling back and plunging down again. Another cry, but Envy was done playing nice. He pulled back and slammed, back, and slammed, picking up a harsh rhythm that had Ed throwing his head back and gasping.

"Say it Edo!"

"E-Envy!"

"Again! Say it again!"

"ENVY!"

He felt Ed forcing back, raising his hips quickly to intensify the impact. With ferocity only he could manage, he hammered into the blonde until he felt the walls surrounding his member tighten as Ed threw his head back and yelled, reaching his climax and sending Envy over the edge at the same time.

"Ah.." He couldn't help the sigh as his body relaxed, pulling out then falling down and lying heavily on Ed. Said chibi grunted his disapproval though and unceremoniously dumped Envy onto the floor, the dull "Thud" making him giggle despite himself.

"Ah... damn little.." Ed heard from the floor, but didn't bother checking. He just smiled and bathed in the afterglow.

.0.

Not much time later, Ed was walking around the kitchen with his only his pants on (of course, he'd washed up somewhat too..). He went over to the oven and checked the cake. Yup, perfect.

Pushing his messy braid out of the way, he opened the door and retrieved the sweet-smelling pastry. Placing it on the counter, he went back into the fridge to pull out the peeled lemons, and with the help of the bowl of sugar on the table, made a sour-sweet liquid to be poured over the cake.

Before he could do so however, Envy came in smoothly, also in nothing but his pants (well, skort.). Ed figured this was more out of mockery than anything else, due to the whole 'Instant Wardrobe!' shtick.

"Surprisingly enough.. That smells good..." Envy murmured, once again feeling jealous (and murderous) at whoever was receiving the gift.

"Thanks. I guess it just comes naturally, being a prodigy and all.." Ed said smugly, placing a hand on one hip and sticking his nose up high. Envy jabbed him in the stomach and cackled when Ed almost dropped his bowl of sugar-lemon-juice.

".. bastard.." Ed pouted, and dumped the juice over his cake a little less ceremoniously (or carefully) than would have been advised. He muttered something about it taking 15 minutes to set, and stood back to admire his work. Envy threw his hands back behind his head and leaned on the fridge, propping one foot up against it from behind as well. His eyes followed the short teen as he poured the cup of chocolate sauce over the cake and then abandoned it to spread on some (whipped from scratch!) whipped cream.

"Ne, chibi, why didn't you just transmute it? It would have saved a lot of time." He drawled, looking at the kitchen in distaste. Ed crossed his arms and glanced over his shoulder at the reclining homunculus, replying with a, "I want it to be special for him."

Jealously spiking, Envy felt himself grow rather spiteful at the fact that someone else was gaining a gift from the pint-sized alchemist, especially a "He". He decided to show said spite with a usual biting question he always managed to ask at the right time.

"How are they supposed to know you made it? They'll probably think you transmuted it."

Ed smiled knowingly and shook his head, earning a raised eyebrow.

"He'll know. He was there."

Envy jerked, eyes wide. "Then.. This is for.."

".. You."

Ed smirked at Envy as the green-haired male grinned despite himself, not without a hint of embarrassment. He looked away, mixed expressions playing on his face, but the toothy grin never straying. He looked back, a sultry smile gracing his features instead.

Ed uncrossed his arms as Envy strode over seductively, stopping and bending down slightly to look the blonde in the eyes, head cocked to the side just slightly.

"Why, Edo how nice of you. To show my thanks..."

He bent over more, and whispered the next part in Ed's ear. The warm breath made him shiver.

"Let's have a second round..."

Twitch.

"And you can be on top."

Smirk.

* * *

How to make the Sexy Cake: Add three cups of Edo, a few table spoons of sugar, a lemon, beat well, or alternately, get Envy to beat well, and let it heat up for about an hour. Let it cool slightly, douse in chocolate and whipped cream, then enjoy. 


End file.
